My Mother’s Story: Moving onto motherhood

This is a multi-part piece. The first part of my mother’s story is here.

Upon returning to the United States in the early 1980s my mother tried to pick up the pieces and continue living. She was mostly focused on  finding better employment and helping her mother financially in Mexico. One thing missing in her life was a stable relationship. Already in her early 30s she believed that finding love and a lasting relationship were out of the question. Moreover, she was not even sure she could have children.

Fertility was a doubt because my mother was plagued with bad health throughout her life. Growing up doctors always told her she had a weak heart. Later, in her twenties, she was forced to undergo a procedure to remove polyps from her nose–without anaesthetic–a surgery that would haunt her nightmares for years. She still remembers how the doctor performing the operation had to sit on her chest in order to keep her restrained. Further, she contended with having cysts on her ovaries. Eventually one of her ovaries had to be removed and she was told that having a child would be difficult.

My mother continued dating off and on and in time she started dating my father. Although jaded by past relationships she always longed for finding a lasting relationship. My father had been chasing her for years and, knowing him though a previous boyfriend, she thought he was a good catch. At the very least he was a non-drinker who worked hard, which to my 34 year old mom, was probably good enough in a man. My mother never loved him but thought that maybe in time it would come to her.

The story often differs but sometime around 1983 my father and mother decided to have a child. My mother says that he promised to marry her once I was born and she, naively, believed him. I was born in January 1984 and, soon thereafter, my mother and father broke up. Their relationship had grown tumultuous after my birth and from then on my father was never in either of our lives.

As luck would have it my maternal grandmother died around 1985. Lacking a legal status, my mother was forced to risk everything to return to Mexico to be at her funeral. She had family members take care of me while she was away. Fortunately, she was able to return to the United States and continue her journey through life.

Things would take a change for the better in the next few years.

-Pierre M.

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6 comments

  1. Firstly, I thanked Christian for re blogging this…that’s how I get thru your site…Secondly, I am moved and touched by your mom’s story…thirdly, I wish to hear some good stories about your mom in the future as you have mentioned “things will be better next time”..

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Coming here from Christian Mihai site as well. I am very happy you are writing about your mother. These lines got to me.

    “My father had been chasing her for years and, knowing him though a previous boyfriend, she thought he was a good catch. At the very least he was a non-drinker who worked hard, which to my 34 year old mom, was probably good enough in a man. My mother never loved him but thought that maybe in time it would come to her.”

    I mean I don’t like people, especially women, settling. Settling is a very hard-nailed object. It crucifies you even before you have lived and I am glad your mother escaped it because though she may have had your father she was smart enough, intelligent, to know that good men can mean multiple things. I know men like this. They chase you because you fulfil an image for them, even women who chase or like being chased, men who liked being chased do the same. Like, then they act all wounded if you reject them. Rejection is a blessing at times. I mean seriously too much acceptance in things like this can lead to overcrowdedness. I know they feel they love you because they chased you, but for all people it is not the same case. I am happy your mother had the strength to move beyond all of this.

    Like

  3. Reblogged this on Iconography ♠ Incomplete and commented:
    Coming here from Christian Mihai site as well. I am very happy you are writing about your mother. These lines got to me.

    “My father had been chasing her for years and, knowing him though a previous boyfriend, she thought he was a good catch. At the very least he was a non-drinker who worked hard, which to my 34 year old mom, was probably good enough in a man. My mother never loved him but thought that maybe in time it would come to her.”

    I mean I don’t like people, especially women, settling. Settling is a very hard-nailed object. It crucifies you even before you have lived and I am glad your mother escaped it because though she may have had your father she was smart enough, intelligent, to know that good men can mean multiple things. I know men like this. They chase you because you fulfil an image for them, even women who chase or like being chased, men who liked being chased do the same. Like, then they act all wounded if you reject them. Rejection is a blessing at times. I mean seriously too much acceptance in things like this can lead to overcrowdedness. I know they feel they love you because they chased you, but for all people it is not the same case. I am happy your mother had the strength to move beyond all of this.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Cristian, i have read only two chapters of your mums story. Its sad, chilling, but her determination is inspiring. No wonder she didnt really love your father, she had been through so much already that loving would be hard anyway. Cant wait to read more, thank-you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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